<![CDATA[ST. LOUIS ADDICTION COUNSELING LLC

<![CDATA[ST. LOUIS ADDICTION COUNSELING LLC - Blog]]>Fri, 10 Jan 2025 16:09:05 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[The High Functioning Addict]]>Thu, 10 Jun 2021 14:17:00 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/the-high-functioning-addict
Most people don’t just wake up one day to discover that they are an alcoholic. It is oftentimes a slow but progressive descent into madness. I compare it to taking a leisurely swim in the ocean without awareness of the ever changing tides and currents, suddenly you look up and realize you are much further from shore than you thought and the swim back to the beach is formidable compared to the mindless float out.
   I see that stunned face of the tired person looking at the long swim back to safety a few times a week in my office as I see clients who come in for their new consultation for outpatient treatment. They scan me and my office, I usually try to put on a blazer of some kind, dust under my chair with a swiffer and pull back my copious amount of hair (hey, first impressions count right?) They peer at the titles in my bookcase and my degrees hanging above the couch. I suppose they are trying to make a quick determination of whether they have come to the right place and if I am actually capable of helping them. Some are defensive, some tearful, some are still drunk, but almost everyone at some point utters, “How the hell did I get here.”
   Usually to everyone else in their life who is close to them, their steady decline was obvious. When family members accompany the client in session, I often refer to them as the “historian.” They are the silent observers, documenting year by year the client’s increasingly toxic relationship with their substance of choice. With some time in sobriety, my client’s become very good historians of their own lives, but at first, the narrative told by those who were a witness to their decline, often sound like they are telling the story of someone else's life.
   I know this sounds obvious, but I feel like it needs to be stated, no one wants to be an alcoholic. No one includes it on their vision board or five year plan. For many, the label of alcoholic stirs up negative associations to people we often at worst perceive to be weak and at best pitiable. We think of that red faced uncle at the Christmas party who told dirty jokes and fell asleep in the cheese tray by the end of the night. We think about people who exist on the fringes of society, shooting up in public bathrooms and drinking out of brown paper bags. And although addiction does exist in these stereotypes, when you don’t identify with one of these alcoholic tropes, it is easy to start to excuse a bottle of wine a night (who are we kidding, at least 2 bottles).
   The facade of a well managed life becomes the obstacle for many of my clients getting the help they need. I remember when I completed my lifeguard training in high-school, one of the first things we learned is that most drownings are silent, addiction is much the same. The perpetuated stereotypes of addiction are a disservice to many struggling with this disease. What I often hear is “I run a successful business, my children make good grades at school, I own a beautiful home, I have no legal issues, how could I possibly be an alcoholic?” With closer inspection what is often revealed is that they have worked tremendously hard over the years to check off the boxes in hopes that no one will notice that they are silently drowning. They pull themselves into work every morning, operating as if they always have a low grade flu, they are checked out of their important relationships and their inner emotional world is spiraling into darkness. The recognition that they are merely surviving their own lives can serve as the proverbial “rock bottom,” that many think is required in order for addicts to get help.
   Although I believe there are many paths to sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous got it right when they wrote down the first step to healing as “we admitted to ourselves we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.” I know the first step sits wrong with some people who don't want to admit that they are powerless over something. I have never interpreted it as a lack of personal power, but rather a mindful awareness that after many attempts and sometimes decades of struggling, the most loving thing a person can do for themselves is to stop fighting with something that they will never be able to control or moderate. Admitting this to yourself is incredibly scary but can also be incredibly liberating.

]]><![CDATA[What Can We Learn About Emotional Regulation From A Kindergartner?]]>Wed, 05 Dec 2018 03:57:47 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/what-can-we-learn-about-emotional-regulation-from-a-kindergartner
Suddenly I can feel a stranger’s eyes stare up at me, distracted from their spaghetti dinners, and ready to take in a far more entertaining scene. My precious five-year old daughter is having a tantrum of nuclear proportion and refusing to leave the table. Her tiny body suddenly has super human strength and she practically suctions herself to the chair, making it impossible to remove her crazed self without taking the chair with her.
I can detect that all the innocent bystanders to our increasingly volatile scene have now become parenting experts, narrating my every move as if they were watching an Olympic event. "Here we have Lauren, five years of experienced parenting, still a rookie. Shows some promise, but after a long day at work, low glucose levels and a heavy reliance of bribing, may finally meet her match here tonight at the Spaghetti Factory.”

After a struggle to safely strap her into the car seat, through heavy sobs she whimpered, “I don’t want to feel this way, I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way.” The veracity of her statement caused me immediate pause and I all I could say was, “yea, I can understand that buddy.”

The truth is most people in recovery must confront the problem of “I don’t want to feel this way, I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way.” In active addiction, the answer to that conundrum is simple-   get drunk or get high. Most addicts become experts in emotional anesthetizing. The problem is that the substance “solution” is short lived, intensifies and prolongs emotional suffering, and keeps us from experiencing positive emotions as well. Brene Brown put it best, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

When we finally arrived home, my anger about having to leave a half-eaten plate of toasted raviolis (what a St. Louis thing to write) had subsided, and I wrapped my exhausted girl in the softest blanket I could find and held her until she finally fell asleep. I tried to take care of her in the same way I know we as adults need to take care of ourselves sometimes, especially in recovery.

You can feel negative emotions, they won’t last forever and you are capable of finding new ways to cope. Finally allowing yourself to experience your emotions without numbing them, or running from them, will be one of the most challenging and wonderful things you will learn to do for yourself in sobriety.  ]]><![CDATA[Get A Life: What Happens To My Social Life Now That I'm Not Drinking?]]>Fri, 12 May 2017 15:43:53 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/get-a-life-what-happens-to-my-social-life-now-that-im-not-driningMy clients who are new to recovery are often very uncomfortable navigating social situations in sobriety. In fact, it is one of the top reasons people often delay sobriety. You might wonder, “what will people think if I go to a dinner party or conference and don’t drink? “Will I ever be able to have fun again?”

We live in a culture that celebrates and encourages us to “grab a drink.” Advertisements glamorize drinking, Facebook memes humorously renaming a glass a wine “mommy juice” go viral. Alcohol is everywhere and there is no denying that getting sober is counter-cultural.

In very early sobriety, complete avoidance of high risk situations might be necessary in order to abstain. However, at some point you have to get a life, otherwise your resentment towards sobriety will continue to grow and relapse will be inevitable. With more confidence in sobriety you can relearn how to experience a concert, baseball game, or business conference forgoing that cocktail or beer that you have come to automatically associate with those events. It will be uncomfortable at first. Time, practice and having a plan is critical to successfully navigating these situations. Most of my clients report that with practice they have learned to enjoy the things they did before and experience them with new clarity and an increased level of engagement. One of my clients told me, “It’s really nice to actually remember the concert I went to the next day.”

The people in your life who have a healthy relationship with alcohol will not care that you are not drinking. The people who have previously relied on you being their drinking buddy will definitely care that you are not drinking. They are will question your decision, they might even have to evaluate their own drinking. This may cause some changes in the dynamic of your relationship with that person and you will have to reconsider what the depth of the relationship is when you remove alcohol from the equation.

These social challenges are best confronted with help and support. Having a group to discuss these difficulties with is critical in recovery. Because sobriety can feel isolating at times, having a community of people who understand these challenges can be both informative and reassuring. Sobriety does not mean that life gets smaller, just the opposite in fact!

]]><![CDATA[Create A Sober Life Worth Living]]>Mon, 09 May 2016 03:06:34 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/create-a-sober-life-worth-livingAbstaining from drugs and alcohol is only the first step of recovery. Getting past acute withdrawal, learning how to cope with intense cravings/urges, and drastically changing your people, places and things are all critical to early recovery. Long term sobriety builds its foundation on healthy relationships, the ability to regulate emotions, structure, a sense of mastery, managing co-occurring disorders and in more broad terms, the creation of “a sober life worth living.” If you are sober and hating life, the odds are you won’t be sober for long. Creating a sober life is, in many ways, the most difficult but most rewarding part of recovery. It is exciting to watch someone come out of the haze and get to rediscover what their life is and could be.
]]><![CDATA[Relapses Don't Just Happen]]>Tue, 12 May 2015 23:55:19 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/relapses-dont-just-happen By Lauren Zehnle, MA, LPC

Learning to recognize the signs and signals of an impending relapse is critical in maintaining long term sobriety. The best way to deal with a relapse is to avoid it. In the early stages of recovery, many people believe that they are powerless over relapse and that lapses seem to, “come out of nowhere.” With the application of relapse prevention skills, people in recovery can learn to detect a relapse and successfully make the necessary changes to avoid the progression. One early warning sign took look out for is increased stress.

Look for areas of increased stress in your life. Have you recently had a major life transition (a job change, a big move, or a new baby?) Creating a sober life worth living is stressful enough- dealing with uncomfortable feelings without using, attending treatment, navigating a social life, and rebuilding relationships with friends and family can feel overwhelming.   Some stress is obvious, other stress is a compilation of small things that can suddenly make a person feel exhausted. Evaluate your life for stress, what are the most stressful life events concerning you today? What coping strategies do you need to apply to manage stress? Are there things in your schedule that could be eliminated or added so that you might be less vulnerable to relapse? Remember, relapses don’t just happen. Those who are most successful in recovery have learned how to identify an impending relapse and move fast to avoid the fall. Relapses can be great teachers if you use your bad days as data.

]]><![CDATA[DEA: Deaths from fentanyl-laced heroin surging]]>Sun, 22 Mar 2015 03:38:54 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/dea-deaths-from-fentanyl-laced-heroin-surgingA surge in overdose deaths around the country from heroin laced with the powerful narcotic drug fentanyl prompted the Drug Enforcement Administration to issue a nationwide alert on Wednesday.

"Drug incidents and overdoses related to fentanyl are occurring at an alarming rate," DEA Administrator Michele Leonhart said. She called it a "significant threat to public health and safety."

Fentanyl, a narcotic often used to ease extreme pain for patients in the final stages of diseases such as bone cancer, can be up to 100 times more powerful than morphine. It is the most potent opioid available for medical use. Doctors prescribe fentanyl in micrograms rather than larger milligrams.

click below to read more

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2015/03/18/surge-in-overdose-deaths-from-fentanyl/24957967/

]]><![CDATA[Mind Full, or Mindful?]]>Mon, 25 Aug 2014 22:39:28 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/mind-full-or-mindful

]]><![CDATA[Metaphors Like ‘Clean’ and ‘Dirty’ Can Undermine Addiction Recovery]]>Mon, 25 Aug 2014 17:20:05 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/metaphors-like-clean-and-dirty-can-undermine-addiction-recoveryThink of the words and phrases we use to describe drug and alcohol addiction: “clean and sober,” “addicts,” “junkies.” It’s a vocabulary loaded with moralistic connotations. This isn’t good, argue the authors of a new editorial in the journal Substance Abuse, because the use of those terms can inadvertently lay the blame solely on the behavior of the person with the drug or alcohol addiction. And when people struggling with addiction internalize that attitude, it can undermine recovery.

Read More @

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/08/how-language-can-undermine-addiction-recovery.html

]]><![CDATA[The Pursuit of Happiness]]>Tue, 22 Apr 2014 03:25:44 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/the-pursuit-of-happiness by Lauren Zehnle, MA, LPC, RASAC II

Western society often assumes that suffering is abnormal, and to create a more fulfilling life, we must get rid of all negative feelings and experiences. The goal quickly becomes finding ways to avoid feelings of “unhappiness.” For some, this means desperately trying to control every aspect of their life in order to escape any potentially uncomfortable feelings. For others, acquiring more wealth briefly gives the illusion of happiness. And for those struggling with addiction, drugs and alcohol offer a very temporary way to avoid “unhappiness.” Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap writes,” it is not by accident that drug users call their methods of doing so a “fix”- because they are chemically trying to hold something in place.” We have been conditioned to believe that we should always feel good, and that if we don’t- we are doing something wrong.

The reality is that life is full of pain, sickness, ambiguity, as well as joy, love, and even happiness. The goal then becomes to accept all of these emotional experiences- even the ones we don’t identify as “good,” or “desirable.” In order to break down the stigma of negative emotions, one must have direct contact with them. Acceptance of negative feelings is the first step in finding healthier ways to successfully manage, but not eliminate these feelings. Acceptance is found in many different forms- being in relationship with God, finding meaning in suffering, cultivating a spirit of gratitude, and the creation of a sober life worth living. The sooner we can accept and understand that happiness, like any other emotion, is temporary, we can began to seek out what is truly satisfying. ]]><![CDATA[Commitment to Recovery]]>Tue, 27 Aug 2013 02:20:23 GMThttp://stladdiction.com/blog/commitment-to-recovery1Lauren Zehnle, MA, LPC
The working definition of commitment is “an agreement or pledge to do something in the future.” We make minor commitments every day, like meeting a friend for lunch or picking up a child from school. Some of us have more long-term, indefinite commitments like marriage or parenting. Commitments are either honored, or we break them. However, this definition of commitment is oversimplified and not always helpful in the context of the recovery process.

Family members of clients who have experienced a substantial amount of clean time will often ask, “Will my loved one ever use again?” My honest response is, “I don’t know, the answer to that question is unfolding each day.” The acceptance of “not knowing,” requires the client and their family members to learn how to rest in ambiguity.

The problem with “ambiguity,” for most recovering people- and most people for that matter, is that settling into that gray area is uncomfortable. I have had clients relapse because of the uncomfortable feelings caused by ambiguity, “I was considering a lifetime of sobriety and just didn’t know if I could do it, so I drank.” By drinking, the client was able to answer that question with a definite YES! And for a moment, not living in ambiguity offered a moment of peace.

The key to commitment in recovery is to re-new that commitment each day, and to commit to each moment in that day. An initial commitment to recovery is powerful, but it is the daily commitment to health and sobriety that really counts. You have no idea how you will feel about sobriety in a week, or a month or 10 years- so don’t worry about it, you’ll get there when you get there.

The idea of a renewed commitment allows for us to stumble, because we will- we are people after all, but we can also get back on track.

]]>