Blog post by: Chelsea Kline, STL Addiction Intern

This morning we discussed some coping behaviors that we can use when experiencing cravings. It is important to be mindful of when we are using these coping mechanisms so we can see that they are working in helping us stay sober.  Pick out a few coping strategies that resonate with you, and  focus on the application of these tools. Counseling and treatment give you tools to stay sober, but it is the application of those tools that will keep you sober.



  * Work the material          The more you use the tools/material you are given, practice, and participate, the quicker the healing.

• Integrate the split self

          Accept all sides of yourself, even the not so great parts, because they make you who you are. 

• Expect growth to feel uncomfortable

          If it feels awkward or difficult, you're doing it right. 

• Replace destructive activities

          Supplement substance use with exercise, meditation, reading, or any other positive alternative.

• Pretend you like yourself 

          Use positive self-talk instead of negative self-talk and soon enough you won't even have to pretend.

• Focus on now

          Do what you can to make today better without overthinking the past and/or future.

• Praise yourself

          Notice what you did right and realize that it is helping your growth.

• Observe repeating patterns

          Try to be mindful about the patterns surrounding use so you can better avoid it and cope with it.

• Self-nurture

          Do something you enjoy like hiking, yoga, seeing a movie, or going to the pool. Treat yourself.

• Practice delay

          Many times if we can just delay substance use, we give ourselves enough time to rethink and avoid it.

• Let go of destructive relationships

          If it can't be fixed, detach. Destructive relationships can stunt your growth in life. 

• Take responsibility

          Take an active approach, not a passive one. Take responsibility for your treatment. 

• Set a deadline

          Make it happen by setting a date. Putting a deadline on a goal can help it become a reality.

• Make a commitment

          Promise yourself to do what is right to continue on the path of recovery.

• Rethink

          Think in positive and realistic terms to get a better outcome. 

Handout adopted from: Seeking Safety by Lisa Najavits

We know it is hard for our loved ones to see us struggle in our addiction, and at times communication can be hard and can end in frustration and hurt. No one is perfect at communicating 24/7, but there are some tips we can remember to strengthen honest communication and decrease hurtful arguments with our family. 

Blog post by Chelsea Kline, STL Addiction intern. 

Today we went over a few coping strategies we can use during recovery to help us stay on the sober path. These are good to use when we are feeling tempted to use, bored, or anxious and can help us learn how to replace unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones.

• Try something, anything

            Don't sit around and give yourself time to use. Think of something you can be doing that is healthy and go do it! Don't wait for tomorrow, do it today. A good plan today is better than a perfect one tomorrow. 

• Discovery

           Don't let excessive negative thoughts ruminate in your mind. Seek out the truth of your assumption instead of just playing out your version of what happened in your head. 

• Attend treatment

        Whatever kind of treatment you are using to help you recover, whether it is AA, self-help, medications or group therapy,  make it a point to keep showing up. Some days it is hard to find the motivation to go to treatment.   Apply "opposite action," and make treatment a priority even when you don't "feel" like going.  Woody Allen said, "90% of life is just showing up. " 

• Create a buffer

            Put something between you and danger (substance use, tempting situations, toxic people, etc.). Creating time between a craving and using can help to re-evaluate the consequences of substance use.

• Say what you really think

           Honest communication is key in any and all relationships and you will feel closer to others when you are open and honest with them. However, there is such a thing as too much or brutal honesty that can be inappropriate, so we want to use this with people we can trust and in a constructive manner. 

• Listen to your needs

            Stop neglecting your own needs. A main point of recovery is taking care of yourself and the only way you can do that is knowing what your body/mind/spirit needs and making sure those needs are met.  

• Move toward your opposite

           We are looking for balance in our lives so look at one of your attributes or behaviors that may be on an extreme end and try to go the opposite way to find equilibrium. For example, if you are too dependent, try being more independent. 

• Structure your day

            A productive schedule can help you stay connected to reality and gives you little time to use or even think about using. We don't want to over schedule and overwhelm ourselves, but having a productive day can keep us on track and healthy. 

• Protect yourself

          Put a shield up against the negatives in your life. Stay away from destructive people, bad environments, and substances. If you protect yourself from many of the negatives, you leave room for more positives. 

• Soothing talk

          Using gentle self talk can help you calm down and take care of yourself. Try talking to yourself as if you are talking to a small child or a friend. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and need to engage in self-soothing or positive self talk. 

• Think of the consequences

           Remember to play the tape all the way through. Don't stop your thought process after remembering the high and the feel good of substance use. Make yourself think about the consequences that happen after use and use those consequences to motivate you not to use. Really see the impact of the decision to use for tomorrow, next week, and next year. 

• Trust the process

           Just keep moving forward. It is hard in the beginning and you may feel lost, but if you keep trusting the process and going through the motions, the thoughts and feelings will follow and it WILL get easier. The only way out is through. 

Think of how you can use these strategies throughout your day and make them available to help you through recovery. Certain strategies work better for certain people so try them out and see which ones really suit you and help to keep you sober. 

*List adopted from the handout from Seeking Safety by Lisa M. Najavits

Finding acceptance in our lives about the past and future alongside a positive attitude can make a huge difference in our perspectives on life and the behaviors we engage in. Accepting that we cannot control other people or many situations we are in, and that we only have the power to change ourselves is something everyone needs to realize if we want to find peace in our lives. We are not responsible for other people's happiness and we shouldn't try so hard to change people who don't want to change. Accept that the past happened and the future is unsure but live in the present. Don't waste the present dreading on the past or worrying about the future. Accepting that we do not have control over everything in our lives can be a very freeing feeling. Don't feel anxious about it, feel good that you are in charge of the effort, not the outcome. If we try our best in what we do, the rest is up to God/fate/the universe to have happen what is meant to happen and we aren't the ones always responsible. Our attitude also has a big effect on how we live our lives. Everyone has bad days, but if we wake up with a positive and thankful attitude about life, the more likely we are to have a good day. Everyone also has problems, big and small. Realizing that we aren't the only ones in the world with problems is helpful when trying to have a more positive attitudes. Thinking of third world countries with starving and poor people in them makes our problems look a lot smaller. Having a positive attitude will give off positive energy and attract other positive people into our lives. 

Tonight in group we went over some basic ABC's of cognitive behavioral therapy, the main style of psychotherapy Lauren and Francine use. Understanding how your thoughts work, where they come from, and what they lead to is essential when you use cognitive behavioral therapy so you can then challenge and reframe those thoughts. 

A: Activating Event
-These are events that trigger certain thoughts. 
-They usually make you anxious/nervous/angry/sad etc. which can then lead to substance use.
-The event causes ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)

B: Belief System
-How you perceive the world.
-Based on past and present experiences and how you were raised.
-Some are helpful and some are not.
-Can be thoughts/opinions of others' being replayed in your head as your own.
-A dysfunctional belief system will cause dysfunctional thoughts and can lead to negative behaviors.

C: Consequence
-Can be good or bad
-The outcome of the situation.
-A+B=C

D: Dispute
-You need to dispute B (belief system)
-Challenge, rethink, and reframe the belief system that isn't working anymore. 
-Replace negative, unrealistic, and bias self-talk with positive, rational thoughts. 

E: Effect
-Get a new, healthier, positive effect.

For example, a lot of people have a perfectionist belief system where they feel they are never allowed to fail and any type of mistake or flaw is seen as a devastation. An activating event might be getting a poor review from your boss on a recent project. The belief system exaggerates this negative event and can lead to substance abuse as a consequence. If you dispute this belief system and become mindful of it, you may say to yourself, "I feel bad I didn't perform as well as I know I can, but no one is perfect. It is in the past now and the best thing I can do is to move forward by doing better on my next project with a positive attitude." You can then get a new effect. Maybe instead of abusing substances, the new effect or consequence is that you relax in a bathtub or do some meditation. This effect has a much more positive impact on your life than the former. 

Going back to the basics is important to do in recovery to break down treatment and take it one step at a time. It's all about your thoughts/beliefs and getting them to lead to new coping behaviors that are positive and not damaging to your life. 

Blog by: Chelsea Kline

blog written by Chelsea Kline, STL Addiction Intern

Life is full of change, good and bad, that makes you grow as a person.  However, change can also be stressful and confusing. Going through treatment and stopping an addiction is one of the most difficult changes a person can make. Before true change can happen, we must be ready for it and want it for ourselves. In the beginning of addiction treatment we think the only thing we need to change is the addiction it-self. However, for the addiction to change, we must change our lives too. We have to change the friends we are with, environments we are in, and a lot of behaviors that have become a part of our lives. This usually engages a grieving process because we are needing to let go of our life as we know it and find a new, healthier one. This can be scary, but it is necessary for sobriety to last. Looking at what motivated us to make the change in the first place is a productive way of handling the stress change causes. We discussed some of our motivators for this change in our lives during group today. The negative consequences of addiction (death, broken relationships, legal/career ramifications, etc) are good motivators because they are real consequences that we are trying to avoid, mostly out of fear. The negatives are important to remember, but it is helpful that we find positive motivators as well to help our progression. Looking at the good that comes out of being sober (more time and money to spend on other things, healthier relationships, healthier body, finding a new and fun lifestyle, etc.)  can be even better motivators because it helps you see what you are getting out of recovery instead of focusing so much on what you are giving up in recovery. Now that we are taking away a lot of aspects of our lives for change, we need to supplement them with new, positive relationships/behaviors/places. We must find new ways to self-soothe, new social networks, and new ways to have fun. Look at recovery as an opportunity to have major self-growth and challenge yourself in ways you may have never done before. Although there is some grief and sadness with change, remember your motivators and that this is  a positive change for your life and your future. 

Tonight we looked at a handout with a list of common high risk situations for recovering addicts. A few stuck out and we discussed how to counteract them in a proactive way. 

We Start Romancing the High: 
        We may start only remembering the good times we had when we used and forget about the bad and consequences that follow from our use. We start to convince ourselves that if we use again it we can relive those good times and block the negative. To counteract this we must be mindful of these thoughts and force ourselves to play the tape all the way through. In other words, don't just remember the good first few minutes of the high, mentally walk yourself through the consequences like how you feel the next day after using, the next few days, and the consequences each use has on your life (broken relationships, money loss, time loss, jail time, etc.) When you walk through not only the good, but the bad parts of using, you can change your association of drug=positive to drug=negative. 

We Awfulize Being Sober: 
      We start thinking about how hard it is to stay away from alcohol or drugs. We convince ourselves being sober is awful, unbearable, or boring. Many times we think we are funnier, smarter, or more fun when under the influence of drugs or alcohol but those attributes are already there, the substance just makes you feel more comfortable acting that way. We can find other ways to make us feel at ease or confident in social situations where these positive attributes can be shown. Once we realize we own these attributes and they aren't controlled by the substance, we can let them shine while sober.        Boredom is definitely a high risk situation that can lead to use. One of the biggest initial complaints about living sober is the boredom factor. These times are especially pronounced during times when we used to use, like once we are home from work ready to relax. It is smart to have a list already made of positive things to do, maybe things you used to like or new activities, that you can pull out in times of boredom. In the beginning of recovery it is helpful to have your days planned out with proactive activities if you find yourself suffering from boredom that is leading you to want to use. If you can't think of anything else, you can almost always go to an AA meeting to beat the boredom and cravings. We may not get instant gratification like we are used to from the high dopamine level from substances, but over time, your body and mind will think less of using and more of these alternative activities. 
        Try to think of sober life as giving you more time to do more productive and healthy activities instead of thinking of being deprived of the substance. 

We Face a Loss or Crisis: 
       The overwhelming feelings of a death, a life crisis, or even just a really bad day, can lead to substance use and relapse. Sometimes it's easy to try justify the use with the loss or crisis but use will only repress and/or prolong the feelings of sadness. It is important to feel the emotions sober and have a time of grief, but the grief shouldn't last more than a few weeks or months depending on the situation. Using in these situations may alleviate the feelings for a short time, but they will come back and using will only make the situation worse. We need to find a new way to self-soothe that is healthy, like talking to a loved one or counselor, working out, being in nature, or having some sort of spirituality or faith that can give you comfort that there is a bigger plan. 

Think about your own high risk situations and decide how you are going to counteract them and stay sober. We don't want to be in high risk situations, especially in new recovery, but they eventually happen and it is best to have a plan on how you will cope with and handle life events in a healthy way. 

**High-Risk Situation List adopted from Relapse Prevention Counseling Workbook by Terence T. Gorski (2000) and blog by Chelsea Kline. 



       

Today in group we discussed climbing the mountain of recovery and the slips/relapses most people face along the way. There are two ways to reach the successful recovery/fully sober stage. One way to get there is by becoming sober and staying completely sober with no slips at all. This is the fastest and most ideal way to recovery; however, it is the least common and very rare. The most common way to get to that stage is through a path where slips are made initially, but progress continues. 

The key idea here is not to focus on perfection, but to focus on progress. It is completely normal for people to have slips and relapses, especially in the beginning of their journey. Every slip can be dangerous and can potentially be life ending, but they do happen and the best way to handle it is to keep moving forward. Although each slip will make recovery harder, being overly hard on yourself about it will also make recovery more difficult. 

When slips happen just remember to be compassionate toward yourself. Instead of saying, "I drank last night. I am a failure and will never be able to stay sober" you can say, "last night was a mistake, but it is in the past. All I can do now is learn from it and move on with my recovery and progression." Having compassion for yourself is not the same as minimizing or justifying your actions (saying, "it was no big deal," "I didn't hurt anyone by doing it," "I deserved that drink."). You don't want to justify the slip, but you don't want to beat yourself up about it either. When you are harder on or mean to yourself, it can also make you want to use even more. 

Focusing on being compassionate towards others and yourself will only help your recovery process. If you are having trouble with this, try being more mindful of what you say to yourself when you mess up. Try saying/doing things like:

• "If I loved myself, what would I say to myself right now?"
• "If a friend had the same problem, what would I say to him/her?"
• "If I were really listening to my deepest needs, what would I say to myself?"
• Use kinder language, like a mother to a frightened child. 
• Put it to practice!

Remember, no one is perfect! The goal of recovery is to progress, not to be perfect. When the slips happen, take them seriously, but don't forget to be compassionate to yourself and the situation you are in. The slips are all a part of the journey and will continue to teach you lessons. Just be mindful of them and beware of them. The goal is for the slips to continually get further and further apart until they don't happen anymore.