Group Review: Love Addiction vs. Healthy Love

Post By: Chelsea Kline STL Addiction Counseling Intern

In recovery, the term co-dependence is often used to describe a relationship where there is a dependence on, or need to control another.  A co-dependent relationship often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Today the group compared the characteristics of a healthy relationship to those of an unhealthy/toxic relationship.  The group then discussed unhealthy relationships in active addiction and strategies to create healthy relationships that support a sober lifestyle. 

Toxic Love: 

• Feels all consuming
• Fears letting go
• Allows little individual growth
• Plays psychological games
• Gives to get something back
• Attempts to change the partner
• Seeks solutions outside of self
• Refuses or abuses commitment
• Looks to partner for affirmation and worth
• Fears abandonment upon routine separation
• Re-creates familiar negative feelings
• Has difficulty defining ego boundaries
• Has elements of self destruction 

Healthy Love: 

• Allows for individuality 
• Accepts endings
• Invites growth in both parties
• Feels freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted
• Experiences giving and receiving in the same way
• Does not attempt to change or control partner
• Accepts limitations of self and partner
• Can make and respect commitment
• Has high self esteem and sense of well being
• Trusts memory of loved one; enjoys solitude
• Expresses feelings spontaneously 
• Experiences and enjoys both oneness with and separateness from partner
• Brings out best qualities in both partners